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Photo by Ann

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8: Richard tells the story of the Brass Rat

Photo by Ann

A tourist was walking through San Francisco’s Chinatown late one afternoon and caught a glint of light coming from the window of an antique shop. The tourist turned around and saw that the light had reflected off a life-size brass rat. Intrigued, the tourist walked into the shop and found the proprietor. The tourist asked, “Hey, um, how much does that brass rat in the window cost?” The proprietor answered, “Ahhh, you have noticed The Brass Rat. It is only twenty dollars, but the story that goes with it will cost a thousand dollars.” The tourist said, “you can keep the story, here's twenty dollars.” The proprietor dutifully wrapped up The Brass Rat and the tourist tucked it under an arm and headed outside.

Immediately outside the shop, a large city rat confronted the tourist. The tourist turned to the right to get away, but the rat followed. The tourist turned left, and now there were two large rats chasing the tourist. The tourist picks up the pace, but more and more rats join the pack, nipping at the tourist's heels. The tourist is getting worried now and decides to bolt down Lombard Street, but at the bottom of the hill there is another swarm of rats that joins in the chase. The tourist decides to head for the 39th Street Pier. Meanwhile, all the rats of San Francisco have poured out of the gutters, sewers and basements and formed a mass that is now blocks long.

The tourist gets to the 39th Street Pier, lunges onto a lamppost and flings The Brass Rat into the East Bay. The tourist finally catches some breath while watching every single rat in the entire City stream underneath and plunge into the water. After the last rat had taken its last breath, the tourist finally shimmied down the lamppost and staggered back uphill to Chinatown. The tourist finds the antique shop, and the proprietor asks, “So, you have come back for the story!” The tourist, still panting, says, “no, no, you can keep your story. But tell me. [pant, pant] Do you have a brass lawyer?”

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